Don’t Ask…

I was listening to a report on NPR of some Marines being interviewed regarding the possible removal of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. I know that this is a touchy subject, and that it will be a boundary-stretching experience for many if our President and the congress can take this bold, life-affirming step. But one soldier in particular really got to me… when he talked about not being able to trust his fellow soldiers if he knew they were gay. “It affects the little people. It affects them because now you can't trust the people around you. You don't know if that guy is actually going to be there when you need him.”
As if ones sexual orientation determines ones trustworthiness. It unsettled me. It made me feel so very “second-class”, even though I will never serve in the armed forces. In this day and age to have such ignorant opinions abound… my heart goes out to all the gays and lesbians who have served with honor and have been forced out of the military. And to all those who continue to remain enlisted and live a double life at times to keep their commitment to their country.
I know the views like that marine expressed stem from heterosexism and patriarchy writ large. And I know this one soldier’s voice does not represent everyone. But then another marine opined that if one wants to serve, one must be ready to give up that aspect of your personhood. If you want to be a marine, get back in the closet and stay there. No swishing about on the battlefield. No redecorating the barracks. No fairies on the frontlines. “You make sacrifices if you want to be a Marine, and being openly gay is one of them.”
Oh, sorry if that sounds sour and curmudgeonly… but it is tiresome to hear these old, outdated fears and opinions broadcast. And it is also clarifying – it shows me the work that lies before us, the education we need to do, and the courage we all need to “live out loud”.
Although I think I may live in a “don’t ask, don’t tell” neighborhood, my wider community is open and affirming. My religion tells me that I am loved just as I am. Yet that is not enough. We don’t get to sit down and rest until we help make a world where everyone feels this acceptance.