Walking to the State House on Thursday

Walking to the State House on Thursday, across various Trenton Streets, around various State agencies, I paid attention to the citizens I met along the way. I felt I was going on to witness something important (the NJ Senate vote on the Marriage Equality bill), potentially history-making. But I wondered, what has it to do with these folks? In the grand scheme of things, does the passing of this legislation do anything to ease their life, to give them hope?

There are so many things that need “fixing” in our society: work and just wages for all; affordable housing; a stable, safe, local food supply; quality education, no matter where you live or who your parents are – from pre-Kindergarten through college. Those are my dreams, and those are the things worth fighting for. And those are the things that seem so impossibly hard to fix.

So where does “marriage equality” fit in all of this? How does it help the lives of all these other people? If you base an opinion solely on the kinds of testimony you’ve heard, or the representatives the proponents of the bill have put forward, you could (uncharitably) think that although their stories are heart-wrenching, it may not be such a big deal. After all, they have options – they have health-care, even though it’s been hard to make sure the family of a same-sex couple is covered. They have jobs and houses. That is true.

Yet they struggle, and endure hurts and discrimination. And there are so many untold stories about less privileged gay and lesbian couples where the option to “marry” (not just get civil-unionized) would make a real, positive change in their lives. Marriage equality may seem like a “privilege”, but it is also emblematic of a healthier society. Allowing civil marriage for all couples honors all families. And it also evidences a civil society where equality is valued, and compassion is present. It demonstrates a potential for greater equality and equity in the wider society.

If we can do this, we CAN make education a priority and take up economic issues that support people and not institutions “too big to fail”. Universal healthcare for all – a dream that has surfaced in this country every now and then over the past 100 years (and has been unjustly vilified in these recent debates on healthcare) – might just become part of our culture.

Because one culture change can beget many more. But only if we care enough. Only if our vision is broad enough not to be stymied by some false “hierarchy of injustice”. Step by step, we keep moving forward. Is “marriage equality” the most important issue? Maybe, maybe not. But it is still worth working for.

The Lady in the Red Suit

The group opposing Marriage Equality had chosen red as their color and they were conspicuous in their attire back in December at the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing. Today, they were at the State House as well – and so were a lot of Marriage Equality supporters in their blue t-shirts. I found myself eying the crowd, gauging support by what people wore.

I was partially faked out by one woman who just happened to be wearing a red jacket, sitting next to three other women in red. I mentioned to my companion that it cannot be a coincidence, as he had asserted, that all four are just there for another reason and not opposing marriage equality. Turns out it was quite by accident that she wore red and in no way was that meant to telegraph her allegiance. But the other three, who thought she was “one of them”, were in the opposition’s camp.

So later, when I sat in the café eating my lunch, and a another woman in a red dress and jacket came over, smiled and asked if she could join me at the table, I said “yes” and thought to myself, “oh here we go!” It was pretty clear where I stood, with my Garden State equality t-shirt and stickers and a button. But in addition to her red attire, she was wearing a League of Voters pin, and so I thought “this is interesting…” and it was.

Well, you can’t judge a woman by her dress. She wanted to talk to me about the importance of Marriage Equality and the odd behavior of “lame-duck” sessions and the politicization of every vote right now, in this shift in leadership in Trenton. I was talking to an ally! I explained about the opposition’s fashion-choice. She laughed and said had she known, she would have chosen a different stand-out color to wear today.

We discussed these issues and also the “in-state tuition for non-citizens” bill as well, and puzzled over why granting civil and educational rights to people – things that don’t really “cost” the state anything but their goodwill and support, that create a more whole, intact society – seems to be so difficult for some people.

Now that the Senate voted to continue discrimination in the state of New Jersey, the wondering is not just academic. And the fight goes on. As the disappointment of the Marriage Equality bill’s failure weighs on me, I will hold on to the fine speeches some senators gave in support of equality, some that in a surge of hope, brought a tear to my eyes. And to this conversation with the woman in the red suit.